Memorial Day

Decided when I got up this morning to make a  run down to the Piggly Wiggly across town to get some of the delish Faygo soda in celebration of the holiday. It's been so damn hot so I wanted to get it out of the way early. Sweating is so so unswanky and gracious classy ladies never sweat

I was almost out of the complex when I got flagged down by Doreetha, a lady there that is missing both of her legs, something to do wtih her blood sugars and meth. Doreetha isn't able to get a Hoverround for some reason, but she does have a wheelchair. She wanted to hitch a ride with me to the store. Her idea was to hold onto the back of my hoverround and I'd pull her wheelchair along behind me.

This time nothing bad happened, not like when  Cyndia stood on the back of my old Rascal and fell off, accusing me of trying to kill her. Doreetha is a sight more sensible and steady than Cyndia was with her Coke bottle bottom glasses and lack of decent balance.

We made good time down to the Piggly Wiggly except some jackasses kept honking, pointing and laughing at the two of us trekking down the road.  One big jerk even took a picture of us, after I yelled at him for stopping, staring and laughing. I yelled at him to take a picture because it would surely last longer. I could tell he was warm for my womanly form.

After we got our stuff and headed back to our apartment complex the laughing guy that took a picture showed up in his truck, asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his boat. Did I call that right or what? I knew I'd spotted lust in this eyes.

We rode down to the river after he threw my Hoverround in the back of his F150 pickup truck. Told me his name was Bill, he was new to the area and was supposed to bring a date to this boating jaunt his friends invited him to. But when we got to the marina his two pals took one look at me as Bill was helping me get situatied on my Hoverround and brayed with laughter like two stupid asses. One of them pointed at me and said, "Bill, who told you to bring a blimp along? You that afraid of falling in the water that you gotta bring something that big that floats?"

Well sir I was so upset by their remarks that I gunned it, spinning gravel all over those two idiots. But not before I lifted their cooler. Once I got home I had the last laugh as it was packed with beer and all the fixings for hot dogs and a bag of chips.

I just don't understand why it didn't work out like it did for L Anne in her fiction porn tales. I didn't get screwed by a gang of hot guys in a boat on the river like her. Why oh why?

Maybe Bill will show up here again.

I know I'm a big beautiful swanky sexy woman regardless of what those mean jerks said.

Hot Hot Hot!!

It ain't any easier to get around with a hurting back and my Hoverround. While I was recovering my back at the rehab place stuck with old timers my Hoverround was getting fixed at the Hoverround place. It got messed up pretty bad from the banana peels and bananas smushed on the wheels and the cracked plastic bits from the collision but Noah is in good shape now, better than I am.

I named my Hoverround for L Anne Carrington's favorite actor, Noah Wylie. She used to really love him.

Thank you ladies of the social services rehab board they getting someone to come in and clean my place while I'm still kinda laid up some. Being gone for a month meant the place was dusty and smelled like Mr. Jenkins truss because I'd left my place filled with food in the fridge while I was gone. When the cleaner lady left with my food stamps and a shopping list I decided I felt too peckish to wait so I went out on my Hoverround to the nearby KFC for one of those delicious Double Downs sandwiches, some mashed taters & mac & cheese plus two of those dessert cakes. It's only a few doors down from my new appartment so I was able to scarve down that good meal but I didn't feel bad about it. After all, the Double Downs don't have bread on it, so that's some carbs gone and everyone knows mashed potatoes and mac cheese are good vegetables, just like my pesky social worker Meagan insists I eats.I brought back the cakse for later. After the maid leaves I'm going to make a chocolate poptart bacon sandwich for dinner. Mm bacon, is there anything it cain't fix?

The drag was coming back to the apartment complex. Most of the people here are weird, low class and just too strange. When I rolled back through some geezer started harrassing me insisiting he knewI took his Cheesy Whiz can out of his apartment and a bunch more folks about spare changed me to death on my way back. There's real crazy people, criminals and sexual perverts in this place. I don't belong here.

So I'm staying inside with my new copies of L Anne Carrington's new porno books, Cougars and Studs and Cougars and Studs 2. I don't care what those hateful snickering skeleton whores says, L Anne is a great writer even if some of her stuff sounds very much like porn I've read elsewhere. It's at least as good as that 50 Shades junk. I seem to remember someone with a name like BBWForYOungerGuys writing some stories exactly like this for free online.

Back Bacon Brownies

I have posted and this time it's not because I'm in the service of the state in jail but because I've been laid up. Lost my volunteering gig at the Food Pantry because those old peahens running the place accused me of stealing meat and Duncan Hines. They started chasing me, demanding to search because the bacon and brownie mix count was short in the warehouse. Of all the nerve, I was not about to let a buncha of ancient skeleton whores touch me with their gray scaley old clause so I cranked my Hoverround in high gear and high taled it out of there.

Unforch I ran into the product guy bringing the dinged up produce for the Food Pantry to have. I hit that produce guy at about thirty five mph in my Hoverround, bananas flew out of his hands and my Hoverround got banana peels caught in the wheels. I lost control and slammed into a brick wall before flying out of the chair and hurting my back. I was twisted up like a pretzel on the sidewalk and it did something to my back. Spent a few weeks in the rehab place in traction. Don't remember much because they keept me all strung out on Oxycontin.

I still cannot walk very far and feel dizzy whenever I sit up too long.

But I have a pile of bacon in the freezer and a couple of boxes of brownie mix calling my name..