Hatched

Forgive me dear diary, I've been gone due to a huge misunderstanding...

It all started with my car, that car that the Methodists gave me. They didn't tell me they hadn't registered in my name, just signed the title over to me and they sure didn't tell me it was uninsured. The nerve! Swanky folks pay to transfer it into your name, pay for the taxes and title AND put insurance on a car they give you.

I didn't know any better so one day the first week after I got that car I was tooling down the road as cool as a cucumber sitting in ranch dressing when a nice young copper pulled me over. He said my tail lights weren't working and that the plates on the car were out of date. I tried to flirt with him, batting my long eyelashes at him and making my baby blues go all innocent and as gooey as fresh cinnamon rolls but he wasn't having any of that. He had my car impounded and towed to the police impound lot!

Then that little skinny pipsqueak who couldn't have been more than 20 tried to arrest me, put me in cuffs and in the back of his police car. Boy, did I give him quite a struggle, I even pinned him against his car for five minutes between my all natural 52ZZZZ boobs, hoping he would be so delighted by my gorgieus swanky breasticals that he would forget all about this arresting nonsense and maybe fall hard for me. Nothing, he had to be gay!

Once I got down to the station the stupid cops wanted to know where my ankle monitor was after looking at my arrest history. Long story condensed down, I used my one phone call to call up Meagan. By that time the dirty cops had searched my apartment and found Adam wearing my ankle monitor and the corpse of poor George Clooney. Animal control was called and they seized my babies! I cannot have my cats back until this is all straightened out.

Meagan convinced the cops and the magnistrate that I didn't belong in jail bevcause she was claiming again that I was insane. Said anyone saying the stuff I was and wearing an orange muu-muu with puce flowers on it was clearly not in their right mind. So while I shouted and cursed I got put in a straight jacket and taken straight to the locked ward at the local hospital.

It weren't all bad. I got to watch a lot of teevee, color and draw in art therapy and I met some good folks. I met another Adam Lambert fan named Kerry. She told me she would represent me for free when I go back to court because she's a lawler. She told me all about how Adam was prefenvted from winnning Idol by the government and AT&T because they are huge homophobians. Also they are poisoning our food so she's moving to a farm soon, Unperpants Farms, invited me to stay.

I may take her up on it because I found out that the old fogies at the apartment complex are demanding I be removed because I'm a crazy criminal and sex offender now. I need some place to stay.