Thursday, July 7, 2011

Five Fingered Foods

When I got home late on the 4th of July Ethel met me on the main apartment complex walkway and told me in a snippy tone that if I truly wanted to make up for the trouble I'd caused lately that I would get up tomorrow morning and clean the community room, top to bottom. I could even keep the leftovers in the fridge. So guess what I did? You got it!

I scored about two dozen leftover hotdogs, buns and garnishes as well as three bags of chips, buncha sweet sodas and a tankard of banana pudding. But the best thing was all the leftover party decorations! Especially the red, white & blue paper tableclothees. I used those table covers and a stapeler to fashion the most purty ballgown you've ever seen. Just in time too because I have decided to run for the Miss Pork Sausage Festival next month. I'm going to wear the ballgown while dancing in my Hoverround to 'She's A Grand Old Flag' as my talent segment. I'm sure to win!

Decided I really needed to shape up just a little between now and the pageant so I used the credit cards of those snotty Yahcting Club cunts to buy a treadmill, swimsuit and some bling. The treadmill was a bitch to get home on the Hoverround, I had to balance the box in the seat, sit on it and steer the thing. Got Jose the gardner to hump the box up to my apartment. Now to go strew those left over credit cards all around NWordtown. Let some darkie be blamed for the theft, not a classy white woman like myself.

Haven't managed to use the treadmill yet, I've been laying around experimenting with the pills, but I will soon enough. For now I'm using it to fold clothes on.

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