Did ja ever have a day that started out bright and sunny, like you couldn't lose and you just knew it was going to be a glorious A-Okay day only to have it come apart at the seams like a cheap Korean-make polyester bra? That's been the kindaofaday I'm having but the night is looking up.
Today's the day when the USDA gives out the government cheese, butter and other yummy foods down at the local church. I took the bus down from the apartments across town very bright and early to make sure I get some. There's always folks waiting with me but lately it's been more crowded than than swanky skeleton coke-whores at Charlie Sheen's house. People you never would think are on assistance have been crashing the party over at the food bank and USDA.
And it's a good thing I got there early too because they ran out of food eventually. I managed to get two boxes, two monthly rations, because when I'd borrow the money, drugs and candy out of Marge's purse I took her bus pass to get here and her monthly ration card. I told the ladies running the program that Marge was getting out of the hospital today or tomorrow and I needed to pick hers up too. They believed me and gave me a full extra month's ration. They don't know that Marge has taken a turn for the worst last night and will be in the hospital quite a while longer. She won't miss the cheese and butter.
By the time I got my spoils home it was almost lunchtime. I put all teh groceries away before settling down with the kitties to watch a Lifetime movie. I didn't get but a few minutes worth watched when my Social Worker Meagan appeared. She told me I had physical therapy down at the hospital wellness center and nothing I said would dissuade Meagan. What the hell does she know about losing weight anyhoo? She's a stick figure strumpet showing off all the time, flipping her long blonde hair and wriggling her non-existent ass.
When we got to the health center Meagan made me leave my Rascal at the front door, telling me she wanted me to walk as much as possible. Oh hell, my legs started hurting right away but the only thing that they would do is give me a tylenol for the pain before some other skinny skeleton whore uppity c-word started trying to make me show her how much I could do on various exercise equipment. Then they made me get into the swimming pool and walk around the edge over and over and over again until I was so dizzy that I didn't know I wasn't on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
Afterwards Meagan and the snotty instructor told me I have to come in this place every morning and do the exercises they've worked out for me. Damn, I hate this, by the time I left all I wanted was a long nap and an extra super sized serving of Mickey Dees fries.
So I napped before taking my Rascal on the tree-lined streets of my local university. One of the young boys in front of a frat house invited me in so I went. Most of his buddies were passed out in the shrubbery and there was left over bags of McDonald's chow and pizzas as well as beer. I helped myself and the guy that invited me insisted I come back the next night. They're having something called a 'Pig Party' and I'm his date for the party. Chester is his name and he's a cutey! I can't wait till tomorrow night. I feel like a cougar. He doesn't even mind my Rascal.
Wish me luck
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