I found a way to weasel out of that frustrating exercise regimen that nosy Meagan the Social Worker cooked up for me daily. I told her I was very religious and I could NOT do worldly things on a Sunday, I believed in keeping the Sabbath holy.
She bought it and backed off trying to force me to sweat today. But Meagan kept questioning me what religion I was. In a pinch the only thing I could come up with was that I was a member of the Methodists down the street. Just in case Meagan was watching me, checking out my story, I gussied up in my finest dress and rolled down the street in my Rascal around 8 am for the first service.
From the first moment I opened the door and smelled the heavenly aroma of pancakes and sausage I knew I was in the right place. Turns out they were having a pancake breakfast. I had seconds and thirds that everyone was urging on me. What nice people!
I sat through the first service and found out there was coffee, doughnuts and cake after each service. Praise the Lard, that's what I call a religion! By gumm, I stayed for all three services and had something to eat after each. By the time the pot luck dinner rolled around I was feeling like a tick about to explode!
Some of the members asked about my situation and I explained I was disabled and getting by on a small fixed income from the government. They were all atwitter about that, took up a collection for me as well as gave me gift cards to a couple of local restaurants and grocery stores. It was like hitting the lottery! I have to do this religion stuff more often!
I even had enough money to go get a new outfit for the frat party tonight. I got a pair of sparkly spandex leggins and a sequinned top with the words 'Hot Stuff' spelled out in glitter on the front. I'm doing my hair in a few minutes and putting on a little makeup.
Planning on having a swinging time with Chester tonight. Hell, I might even get laid if I'm swanky enough!
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