Tears & Comfort

I started to go outside today to sit under a tree in my Hoverround and stare at Cletus Clydeburn Ridge McStuddmuffin's door but I was stopped by a knot of gossipping old biddies just outside of the community room.

One of them said, "She really is crazy! She spent the whole day staring at that poor man's front door and muttering about something called 'skeleton whores' His daughters and son said they were going to call the police if she didn't stop it. It was creeping them out and Cletus Ridge swears he doesn't know her."

The trampiest one, Mavis, cooed, "Isn't Cletus Ridge just the sweetest? He's quite the dancer too."

"Dancer, Smancer," snored Agnes, "We have to do something about her, Lauri Ann. First she kills Marge and cripples Esther, then it turns out she's a SEX OFFENDER and now she's stalking some nice older gentleman. I htink we such all get together and INSIST the rental board evict her immediately. She's a danger and a blemish on our community!"

A voice I didn't recognize said, "She's always been the weirdest person for twenty miles around.." and the group broke into laughter, loud laughter, cat calling and besmeriching my name. I backed my Hoverround all the way down the sidewalk back to my place where I tried to becalm myself with all of Mary Lyn's left over drugs and the remains of the ice cream. I don't want to live anymore because I want those old hags to feel guilty.

I'm going to spent the day nominating myself for awards like a Character award from USA Networks and a bunch of other things like that. I might even nominate myself for Miss Big & Beautiful Eastern Shore too. I need a tiara and a sash right now.