Double Jointed Life

The last week I've been leading a double life, a split eggzistance. Why? Cletus Clydeburn Ridge McStuddmuffin.

Onder the cover of night, a night greezy with humidity, like you'd get drinched with sweat just doing something as simple as shufflin' over to the teevee to change channels. I was laying on my sofa eating Rockys Road ice cream and weeping when there was a softish tapping on my door. I opened it, still clutching mah tub fo Edy's when Cletus Ridge entered the room with a smile, whipping that carton from my hand. He was clutching a red rose between his teeth, humming some song I didn't recognize and holding a blaring boom box over his head. It was like something out of one of Lori Anne Carringtons wonderful novels!!

He overpowered me and we screwed on my beige throw rug in front of Jonnny Carson...err... Jay Lino. He held me and cried afterwards, explaining how heart broken it made him to pretend not to nkow me to his family and some of the folks around here. Turns out his family is very very protective of him. But he promises me that one day soon I'll meet them, especially now that I'm having his babies.

Yeah, I told Cletus Ridge about Pee Wee and Pee Chee and he is overjoyed! It's just now he's gotta get his family used to the idea and not create a scandal here that would jeopradize his apartment here. Sos we worked out a schedule. He comes over every night at 9 pm sharp and stays until 5 am. During the day we pretend not to know each other, acting standoffish during Canasta and ballroom dancing in the community rooms and other public places. During the day he pretends to be infatuacted with that slutty skeleton whore Mavis, dancing with her, laughing, having lunch at her joint daily. But I know it's me, Pee Wee and Pee Chee he loves.

I'm so so so so so happy!