So okay. I'm finally home again after a month in the jailhouse. I was arrested on the charges of indencent exposure and sexual battery and a bunch of other nonsense. Apparently when I was busy having some fun in the hot tub those gellus dried up old prudes working at the gym were calling the cops lying about me. They arrested me, I went to the pokey & bonded out the next day.
Two days later my check to the bail bondsman bounced and they picked me up and made me stay in jail till I went to trial. Me! Swanky, classy, upper crust me!! Incarcerated with skeleton whores, hookers, crackheads and big old ugly lesbiens. No innnernet, no decent food, no safety. I kept to myself every day.
The one good thing is that I did lose five pounds on that awful food! Green baloney don't agree with my delicate constitution. Losin' a few pounds and avoiding getting pounded on by those low class hookers are the ONLY good to come from my stay.
After I went up before the judge to explain I was too classy of a lady for prison Meagan said the same nasty lies to the judge she said last time, that I'm clearly insane. The judge said that may be but now I'm a clearly insane sex offender. So he put me on probation and ordered me on home confinement. I have to wear an ankle monitor to make sure I go no further than the grocery store and doctor once a week. I am confined to the grounds of the apartment complex for the most part.
When I got home I've been super busy because the cat litter box was overflowing poop and pee, my cats were half-dead from starvation and they'd clawed up all my new Danny Gokey photos. So it's back to drooling on Adam Lamber again. I might have to give that Carol a call to see what I missed. I've been thinking about watching American Idol again too.
My social worker Meagan pointed out that none of this excuses me from dieting even as I'm banned for life from the hospital therapy workout gym. She's gotten me a membership over at Curves, all ladies and no pool and they made me sign a piece of paper agreeing not to sexually molest the other ladies. Damn, no men there at all.
Time to go shoppin, I'm totally out of food, even been fasting all day till I got the goop scraped out of the fridge. Stinks, a month of rotten food inside.
Back in the fray trying to diet again. Walking that careful trightrope between real food and losing it.
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