Dew Drop In

While I'm recovering from falling on the dance floor I decided to visit my friend Lynette in Dew Drop, Mississipi, not far from the casinos and Gulf Coast area. She's really having a rough time of it.

Decided she just couldn'dt get along on her own, she doesn't know how to manage her disability check like I do mine so she took her aged mama out of the nursing home and moved mama into the apartment with her. Her two brothers don't like that idea at all!

One of her brothers is this big gay famous exercise guru that lives in Los Angeles, but he's housebound or pouting, or something. No one has seen him out and about for a year now. But he still fires off angry emails at Lynette every now and again. She thinks he's hiding out with a pile of Ho-Hos and YoHos getting fat again where his fans cannot see him.

Her other brother is a musician somewhere, a long haired dope smoking hippy freak according to Lynnette.

Point is -  neither of them givesa  shit where Lynette's mama is, they just don't want her with Lynnette, something about a stolen treasure trove of Slipada jewelry, a stolen check book and a T-Bird they both keep claiming Lynnette took. I don't know,  I just know her mama is completely senile.

Lynnette has been dressing her mama up like different historical figures, like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and taking pictures of her mama in those get ups and posting them Facebook. Both brothers are losing their minds over it and leaving all sorts of threats towards her on her FB feed.

In the meantime we're having a good good time, going out to eat, watching American Idol and dressing up her moma like a big doll.

Hired me a lawller fellow to sue the casino for my fall and for them not having up signs warning folks that the dance floor might get slippery if you put oil on it, but I ain't heard nothing yet.

Banned

Got banned this weekend from the Eyle of Daphne Casino this weekend. I am plumb heartbroken to boot!

Nope, it ain't because of my Rascal loosing control and running me through their plate glass window. I did think about suing because they shouldn't have used breakable glass in their front window, but they gave me money on a house account to gamble and eat with at the casino if I signed a piece of paper promising not to sue

What got them unfairly fired up and caused them to discriminate against me as a big beuatiful woman was what happened in the main show bar that Antione, the singer than looks likee Adam Lambert, performs at.

I've been there every night this week, well, I got money from crashing teh window to eat, drink and be merry there. Antiones been actlike a cold fish since I crashed into the window and he's been ignoring me.

Last night during the band's break I decided I would show off my exceptional dancng skills, show him what I'm made of. I've been practicing. So when JLos new song 'Booty' started playing on the club sound system during the break I got offa my Rascal, threw off my coat and shook my booty.

I have a nice big round JLo booty. I'm not just a set of 56ZZZ boobies.

Last night I was waering the same thing as JLo in that video, a tight see through knit dress, skin toned. When I started dancing I poured a bottle of baby oil on the back of my dressto be all oily slick like she is in the video.

At first it went well, I was locking eyes with Antoine, shaking my money maker hard and he could not keep his eyes off my shapely womanly butt. But I made a serious miscowculation with the oil and it started to drip down off my ass and allover the dance floor. I lost my footing and turned into a human bowling ball, sliding at full vilosity into other people. Knocked over most of the crowd on the dance floor, bowled over a waitress with a full tray of drinks. But that wasn't even the worst of it! I slid hard right into Antione and his band members!

Somehow Antoine has a broken leg now and the drummer broke his hands! The bass players nose is broken and hs eyes swollen shut. Other ban membrs have injures that they are all blaming on me! ME! I didn't do nothing wrong, I just wanted to show Antione what he was missing by not being with me.

I'mat home, black, blue and embarassed adn banned. What would L. Anne Carrington do? I tried to do what I thought she might do, offer blow jobs to the managment guys to forget all of this but none of those guys would cooporate!

Ice and Glass

The weather here has turned as cold as winter in my old city. I am upset because I don't really have any winter clothes. All my stuff is back at Sir Sirloins house in the Upper Pennsula of Michigan. That meant yesterday morning I had to put on about five layers of my clothes and take the bus down to the Wal Mart for a winter coat and warmer stuff.

By the time I got that done, got back to my apartment it was almost time for my bb look alike, Antoine Aucoin, to do his lunch time performance. Time to wheel down in my Rascal for some lunch and watching that hot man do his thing.

There was just one problem. With the temps being in the 20s it did something to the power steering in my Rascal, it wasn't working at all! Took all my strength to turn the sucker.

But I could not miss Antoine, so I hustled on down to the Eyle of Dauphne Casino, sitting on the beach here in Biloxi. It's all downhill to the beach from the town proper. What I didn't count on beside the power steering going out is that the cold weather stopped the brakes from working. I was going down the hill towards the casino when my power chair kept speeding up. Tried to brake but nothing happened, not even a squeal.

Didn't mean to ram the front plate glass window of the casino full force, but that's just what happened. Glass flew everywhere and people came running over to see what had happened. Even Antione came over while I was laying in a pool of glass shards. He said the meanest thing ever, "Oh, it's just you.." before returning to the stage. I must figure out a way to win his love, keep him from the skeleton whores that hang all over him at the casino.

Spent the rest of the day at the hospital getting checked out.  They let me go but said that I had too much sugar in my urine. I told them that could not be because I hadn't drank any suger.

Today I'm just watching old ER episodes and eating Rocky Road to make my cuts and bruises feel better.

Jackpot

One of the nice things about living within Hoverround distance of the casinos is the buffets. They have these huge H-U-G-E all you can eat spreads for one low price. Plus they got all these musical acts that come for dirt cheap.

But especially the house band over at the Eyle of Dauphne casino. The lead singer is a dead ringer for one of my favorite American Idols hot guys. Looks like my bb Adam Lambert. Every night I wheel on down to the casino and park myself fronts and center to watch this guy. Tonight I'm going to work up my nerves L. Anne Carrington style and ask him out on a date, or coffee, or someting.

It's beenawhile since I've had a good man.

Moved On

In the past months I've moved, moved on from my apartmenet on the banks of the river and those self righteous pea hens that like to trouble me. Living in Biloxi now.

Lemma back up. Right after my high school reunion this summer I got engaged to my old classmate Sir Sirloin, the guy that works in the pie factory. He packed up my apartment and I moved in with him. He told me he had a big house, almost a palace, that he owned so I was powerfully disappointted to find out that he had a lousy little rambler type home that looked like it was at least sixty years old and hand't had anything done to it since.

The biggest problem was that his last fiancee, a skeleton-whore named Dolores, lived in teh basement. She is a hateful stick, with more wrinkles than Zsa-Zsa Gabor's ass and about the same attitude as Zsa. Puffing on cigarettes, downing the booze and pawing Sir Sirloin right in front of me like he was the last guy left living up on the Upper Pennensula of Michigan. She works with him at th epie factory. She's a pie filler and he's a crust inspector.

I hadn't even unpacked when Delores cornered me in the kitchenette and told me to back off, Sirloin was her meal ticket, not mine. I can just see her right now, chomping that gum like a tramp, blowing smoke in my face while sucking down Wild Irishe Rose wine with a top so low her pathetic tiny titties were almost hanging out.

Once Delories went stomping back down stairs I took a stroll through Sir Sirloins desk in our bedroom and found out he's worth more dough than the Pillsbubry Dough Man. His daddy left him trusts and investiments but you'd never know it from this crappy house. Made me all the more determined to stay with him.

But the longer I lived with Sir Sirloin the less gentlemanly he became. He started telling folks at the bars when we were out together that he was gonna marry me because I was good enough for now, till something better came along. He started cutting me down to folks, claiming my feet were dirty and black, saying I didn't wash my downstairs enough and all sorts of capaicious lies. But I kept my mouth shut, even when he bought my engagement ring from Wal Mart, that's how much I loved him.

One morning I left before Sir Sirloin and Delores had to leave from their work shifts. I had to  go register for food stamps and disability get to the market for a few things. When I got back a few hours later I was feeling faintified from the long ride on my Rascal and the bus, sos I decided to take a nap. Went into our bedroom, pulled back the sheets and found a skanky child-sized pair of used womens drawers between teh sheets along with jizz stains! It looked like Sir Sirloin and Delores had been fooling around while I was gone!

Rage filled me and I hopped back on that bus iwth my Rascal and rode out to the pie factory to confront the cheeaters! But I was foiled by the front office, they would not let me go on the production floor to confrotn those cheeaters so I told the front office folks that SirSirloins house burned down this morning and I had ot break the news to him and Delores.

I was still fuming pretty hard by the time both Sirloin and Delores showed up. Delores showed up first and immediately started screeching I was some sort of 'dumb cunt' to allow the house to burn down. Then Sirloin showed up. I told them both that I knew they were screwing behind my back and SIrloin told me to get out of his house, burned or unburned. I left and I did. I got out of his house just packing a couple of suitcases and leaving everything I owned behind. Flew down took the bus to see Lynette in Missississipppppi aw hell I never could spell that states name.

Things didn't go no bettter there if you read my last entry. After her step dad Timmy died and his kids found the cleaned out safe they called in the cops, who dusted the dman thing for prints. Because of the misunderstanding a coupel of years ago about the gym hot tub and that hot guy my prints must be on some computer, because before I knew it I was arrested for stealing and sent away to a finishing school state prison for a few months.

When I came out I decided I like it here, even if living on the beach isn't something my idol L. Anne Carrington would do. Because I'd not been using my SSI while I was traveling and at the school I had a sweet pile of casht o get situated again, plus I got a apartment in a community just like the one I left. Social services helped me with the furniture and I'm set! It's warm here, I can ride my Rascal along the beachfront every day and there's casinos all along here! Men on the loose! Its a sweet deal!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished or Mississpeeerunningdownurleg

Been out of town for a few days,s o,kay maybe more thana few days. I needed to get away from Sir Sirloin after he broke my heart, a tale for another day. Been visiting an old friend from jail/rehab high school. Lynette was an old rehab roommate high school friend that lives over in Arkaphilldelphia, Mississippi and had got herself in a spot of trouble.

She'd been living with and taking advantage care of her elderly stepfather, giving him his medicine  and giving him tlc while taking his happy pills and moolah. Her step daddy Timmy had been really going down hill and when she rebroke her bad ankle again she called me up and offered me a luxury airline ticket seat on the Grayhound bus, to get down here and help her care for him. With her ankle the way it is she couldn't turn him in the bed so I came right to her rescue.

Lynette remembered all the first aid classes and particular, errr, practical nursing classes we took together in our old reformatory high school and thought I might want to help her.

We've beein in contact since the high school reuinion on Facebook.

I was glad to go because I always enjoyed Mississippi. Oh, the barbeque places and fried chicken shacks and juke joints way back in the woods! The casinos on the Gulf!

Timmy seemed sweet, when he wasn't completely out of it with dementia, helping Lynetter with him was a breeze and left us lots of time to catch up. Unleast until he up and died a week after I arrived. His three sons and four daughters came down on Lynette like a ton of shit bricks. The day after the ambo hauled him away those ungrateful skeleton whore daughters of his had all the utilities cut off. You try staying in a doublewide in the South Missiissppi heat of late August. Makes me sweat worse than a whore in a Pentacostal revival.

Thery served Lynetter with an eviction notice too. With her broken ankle I had to drive us all around before finding her a apartment swanky downtown Dewdrop, Mississippi! The only problem we had was shifting all her shit over to the new place. What with both of us riding Rascals it was hard to get the furniture loaded on the Uhaul and out at her apartment. We even had a couple of Rascal collissions and on the last load, when we started back to her truck Lynette lost her balance an fell off her Rascal. I didn't see her in time, I was busy rubbernecking at two hot studs that kept staring at my womanly all natural curses. I ran over her broken ankle with my Rascal!

Boy, was Lynette pissed off when I was done and she was in the ER. They did surgery on her leg and now I gotta stay and nurse her for awhile. She keeps screaming that someone is stealing her Oxycodone but hasn't noticed that someone just switched them out with sweettart candies instead.

Timmy's family keeps nattering at her that they know she robbed him of all the jewelry, cash and coins in the safe and she keeps telling them she doesn't know what they're taking about. I have the stuff all stashed with the Oxys. Mama gotta get paid some way. Leaving for home soon.

Sir Sirloin if you're readin this, fuck you!

A Traveling Lady

I've been busy  on the run from the law traveling again, going back up to Detroit for my class reunion again.Since the last time I wrote I've been working as UFC wrestler Billy The Kidder's lead Street Teamer. his personal assistant and publicist. Which means I got to post about him all day long on the internets, which doesn't leave me much time to write inmy blog or use the treadmill or go to Curves.

Meant to do all that because I wanted to be super skinny for my high school reunion with Lil Joe and the others. This reunion was awful! All the skeleton whores from the class got so drunk they couldn't walk. One threw up on my crocs while I saw another one pooping her pants.

Lil Joe tried to stage dive again and just cracked his fool head on the pavement. Knocked out his remaining tooth too.

I got there in a flash by taking the bus flying first class.

Only good thing about going back is that I got to rifle through the drunk skeleton whores purses and take their drugs and money met the most wonderful man on the planet and he says he loves me! It's Thommy Thomas, or as we used to call him, Sirloin. Sir Sirloin and I spend hours every day talking to each other through the Face Book. I think he's getting ready to ask me to marry him and I'm thinking I might just say yes, even if it means moving to and living in Detroit. Sir Sirloin and I have a deep true connection, much better than any I got with the other guys. They were just practice for Sir Sirloin. He is a tad jellus and made me give up acting as Billy The Kidder's publicist. But that was okay too, Billy got picked up on a parole violation and ain't going to be doing much UFC from jail.

Gotta go! It's almost time for Sir Sirloin to get out of the pie factory and start chatting with me.

Slammed To The Mat!

This old last week was some big highs and some stupid confloptions.
First the high!

Billy Kidder and me done met up and I'm his official biographer and publicity agent! Billy caint pay me righyt now but did mention that it would pay off in the long run to boot. Tried to ask him what that meant but he started feeling poorly passed out pissed drunk and had dto leaves befdore I could get all the deets.

Didn't matter, I knew what I had to do and started to proceed visiting UFC training places to get Billy some fights and publicity. Made up flyers on my new coputer and posted them everywere in our town, One big word of advice doing this publicity thing, never lean over the industrial printer in  Kinkos while wearing a low cut top. Your boob will flop out and get caught up in the printing, feels just like gettinmg your titt caught in the mangle of an old fashioned washing machine. Don't ask me hows I knows.

The bad stuff happened yesterday as I was coming back from my last run taping up flyers advertising Billy's first three fights. I was tired but had planned on spending Friday night making him a Bebo profile and one of them MySpace pages for his fans. But as I drew near to the communitial room Mavis, the old lady from Memphis that claims Elvis Presley appears to her during the full moon, grabbed me, steering my Hoverround over to the door. She kept crowing about it being Miss Thursdays birthday party and that I could noit MISS it because someone brought one of those fudgy ice cream cakes.

Mavis would not take no for an answer and worked trhe handles of my Hoverround till I was inside.

Didn't want to attend because Miss Thursday and I have had tensions. Miss Thursday once flirted with Ridge McStudmuffins right in front of me. DIdn't like her none before that either. That tiny skeleton whore heifer with her silver hair almost shamefully shaved off like a lesbo just thinks she's all that and a pound of fudge. She's on eof the biggest gossipping biddies in the place and walks around iwth her nose in the air like she's smelling shit. THinks she's better than everyone else because some of her other six sisters are here. Her momma named all six of them after different days of the week, trying to be all clever like.

Thursday was sitting in the catbird seat on high, looking down her ugly pug nose at us like she was Queen Turd on the heap. When I wheeled in she started giggling beffore whispering to the rest of the old biddies. I couldn't catch every word but it so9unded like they were making fun of me for my working for Billy The Kidder.

I ignored them and started to eyeball that buffay~ But... it was all health food! Some sort of vomit looking stuff to put on the tortilla chips, *shudder* a fresh vegetable tray and fruit cut up to look like flowers on sticks. I wished Thursday a happy birthday and beat a path out of there! So glad I still had some baloney and Cheez Whiz left. Who can possibly like that rabbit food? Not me. If I have to be around Mavis and Miss Thursday there has to be decent food around to make it tolerable.

Billy The Kidder

The last few days since I found Juan cheating on me I've beenso down in the dumps that I havent wanted to do nothing. I didn't wathc UFC, I didnt bother with WWE Raw and I haven't picked up one L. Anne Carrington book to read. Nothin'. I' just sat arond and sulked, thinking about how good it coulda been with Juan and me.

But this morning I had the nbiggest of surprises! I rode on down to the Food Pantry because I'd run through my Food Stamps in one week my cabinets were getting bare.Thought I'd get a few things there and tomorrow is the USDA food delivery at the church, so I should be good til I get more money on my SNAP card.

I have to go to a different food pantry now because of those old biddies falsely but I did it accusing me of stealing brownie mix and bacon. This new one is closer to my house, newer, only been open six months and best of all noone knows me there they are fully stocked with all sorts of stuff the other joint didn't have.

After motoring in on my Hoverround and signing in I just sat off to the side thinking about Juan and hoping they would pack a lil sumin-sumin sweet in my bag. When they called me back to come get my bags I went slowly, still sad and heart-sore. But the man handing me my bags was GEORGOUS!!!!! He batted those dark eyes at me and said, "Here you go pretty lady!"

I noticed he had on a UFC t-shirt and started twalking to this big muscly hunkahunka man! His name was Billy Kidder, aka Billy The Kidder and he's training to be a UFC fighter here in my town! I volunteered to street team for him but he didn't have the faintiest idea what that is. He's volunteering two days a week at the food bank because he beat some random guy on the street almost to death in a steroid rage and the courts sentenced him to cummunity service is just a good-hearted darlin' man.

I feel happy and if I'd a been walking there would have been a new spring in my step. We're meeting at the local bar for happy hour Dean and Deluca's cafe area to plan my taking over as his publicity agent and street teammer tomorrow afternoon. What to wear, what to wear now that Fashion Bug is closed!

No Juan!

This morning I rode down to the Walmart on my Hoverround to get some more grape soda and oatcakes. Nice sunshiny day even though the melting snow started shorting out my Hoverround battery! Every now and then I would hear a spark and smell smoke and it would stop for a minute. But it did take me to the store and back okay.

The problem was that when I got to Walmart I had to pass a section of the store that was all leftover Valentines Day candies. I thought about getting a couple of boxes and eating all of them in minutes festooning myself with candies on my womanly naked body while I waited for Juan next Monday afternoon.

I could not have been more suprized when I saw Juan in that aisle and he wasn't looking at candy, he was making out with some stupid teenybopper, a skeleton whore teenyboper with dyed blonde hair, painted in cholo eyebrows and beet red lips. He was whispering to her and rubbing up against that tramp like a circus clown with an itchy boil on his ass.

Before I could help myself I threw my Hoverround in high gear and rammed both of them. Juan started shouting at me, calling me a "Low-co Put-ta", whatever that Mexican talk means, as I ran over his feet, crushing the tips of his fancy cowboy boots. The stupid slut said nothing, she kept screaming "Ieeeyaiiyaii!!" because my fist was mystereiously curled up in her hair, pulling it out it's dyed blond lengths.

The cops arrived and after they tore my hands out of the tramp's hair I was surprised to see how I'djust about snatched her bald. The officers took one look at me and sighed before saying, "Not you again!"

They escorted me and my Hoverround back to my apartment after I was booked and released on my own recognizins I'd tidied up a tad in the ladies room.

How could Juan want that beanpole tramp after he'd sampled my sumptious curves? My heart is broken and there's not enough Ding DOngs in this world to make it right again. I have no Juan.

New Love

The reason it took me a full week to get back online with that new computer is that I found a new love! It's just the most romantical story! I get to see my lover every Monday when he comes by to shovel snow, mow grass or mulch the flower beds.

Last Monday when I got home from Bestest Buy wiht my Sorny laptop I didn't get more done than the box opened. I'd stopped with the computer thing to have a snack, a can of frosting spread over Little Debbie oatmeal snack cakes and grape soda. Hey, oatmeal is good for you and grapes are a fruit, sos I'm thinking this was a healthy step in the right direction.

My front door burstsed open and in staggered my new man, Juan, Juan Com, is what I think he said his name is. He musta been exhausted from salting the sidewalks and getting ready for the big snow because he staggered forward and looked at me with bleary eyes and said, "Kay".

He was so handsome with those dark soulful eyes that I could just tell it was love at first sight. I gave him some grape soda, he sat on my sofa and joined in on my afternoon snack. Our hands met over the last oatmeal cake. He took it, licked off some of the frosting and started hand feeding me it. His hands were still really shaky so I ended up with the icing all over my face, but Juan licked it off before taking me to the bedroom!

Yesterday after he finished getting rid of the rest of the snow on the sidewalks Juan visited me again, takening me to a firy Latin place in my loins~ Jalapeno! Taco! Chile! I was screaming for mercy and release in the only Mexican words I know.

New Computer, New ME!

I haven't been around or able to update my blog because my laptop busted and I had to turn a pile of tricks save up from my disability checks to buy a new one. A week ago I went on down to the Best Buy next to the Piggly Wiggly and bought a new netbook. Keyboard is kinda small like but I thinki I'm gettin used to it.

The trip was trouble and nothing but trouble. I had to ride my Hoverround across the city, up and down cracked and uneven sidewalks to get my new 'puter. Good thing I lostabout 15 pounds recently, so the battery did last longer than usual.

I'm so hawt now that I've trimmed up that people kept waving and honking at me while I was riding across town. Made my delicate ladie regions heat up knowing that some many men walked congress with me. 

Which brings me to the place I left off in this blog, back last springtime when I last wrote I was getting settled back in my old apartment complex, but instead of being stuck in the middle of nosyville my new appartment is at the end of the row, fatherest from the enterance so I no longer have as much problems with miserable nosy old peahens and manstealers.

A couple of weeks after I moved in Eddie showed up. We hit it off real REAL nice and he moved in with me. We sent the spring, summer and almost into the fall close as two love birds can be but things got a little strerange once I got knocked up again with twins. He bolted on me, muttering something about 'ain't gonna be nobodies daddy!' Haven't seen him since. TUrns out I'd just miscalculated the days, no peechee, no peewees for me!

I miss him. There's no one steady in my life to play Pop Goes the Dildo or Hide the Hotdog with now..

He left me on Halloween, which semes like it's always the worst day o' the year. He left me crying big old tears into a mound of Snickers bars. I'll never forgive him and the management here served him with a no contACT order for bewing so mean to me.

But I didn't have no time to cry, the next day it sleeted here and I slipped on the ice, falling face first down as soon as I stepped off my Hoverround at the mail boxes. I broke my wirsts, my elbows, my knees and both of my ankles. Edna, that old peahen that tries to take my admirers started shouting at me to stop singing that rock in roll music while I howled in pain. Mr. Bussdriver called the ambulance for me and they took me to the hospital, which put casts everywhere and sent me over to the surgical rehab center.

Six weeks flat on my back wiht one of my legs in traction! In a rehab place with old timers!~ No hot guys, no L Anne's "Cougars and Studs" books and about to go out of my cotton picking mind! Once the casts came off it was even worse! The physical therapy skeleton whores started marching into my room and forcing me to go down to the pt room and do EXERCISES!!!! I kept trying to tell them I was allergic to exercising, it breaks me out in hives,but after awhile it was obgious the only way I'd be able to blow this popcycle stand was to do what they wanted.

BY the time they let me out I was going plumb stir crazy from eating all that horibble health food, brocolli, steamed carrots, Ugh - skinless chilken breasts~ No GOOD food.

Meagan my social worker had made sure my apartment stayed mine while I was away and tried to take me to get food but I refused, didn't want her to fill my fridge withthat awful brocolli again. YOu can only eat that stuff if you cover it with Vellveta! It is vile!

Got home and my puter was dead. Nuts.

I'll tell the rest of my tale tomorrow. It's ten minutes to Wheel of FOrtune and I just know one day they'll pick my name for the daily 5K drawing. Gotta go!

Ms BBW Frankenberry

Haven't been around much lately because I've been  in prison again working as Miss Frankenberry in stores across my state. I was convicted of attempted sexual battery on the bakery guys nominated as a great beauty by the cereal company to represent their brand and hand out coupons and samples. I was in county lock-up touring the grocerty stores. Unfortunately since I was locked up for being a sexual predator busy traveling I had to give up my new apartment. I don' know how she did it but Meagan managed to get me back in my old federally funded elderly and handicapped apartment complex by charm and the nekkid photos she has of the manager.

I'm back, I'm settling in, I'm large and in charge. Looking forward to the first bingo night. Wonder where I stashed Eddie's phone number?

On another front I'm seriously thinking about going back to my high school reunion with Tiny Joe and Stinky. They are organiuzing it this year again. I just have to figure out a ways to the Detroit area. St. Melba of the Holy Toast School  Reformatory. Guess I'll post an add on Craigs List looking for a ride or offering to drive someone that cain't drive to that area so I can get to the reunion for free.

For now I have a pile of Lori Anne Carrington books to read and I hear tell Lori is now on some youtube type show. I just have to figure out which one.

Home Sweat Home

For once Meagan did what she promised. She got me an apartment in a small section H-8 housing complex that was all seniors and disabled regular folks. It's not a big complex like the one I was in when I first starteda blogging.

This place is about maybe forty aparments, two stories, on a thin slice of street between two converging rivers. It's tannish brick and all the places are one bedroom. No community centers, no snobby pea hens trying to play canasta, eat dainties, cheat at their games and gossip. That's the good stuff.

Now for the bad. On one side we gots a auto body shop and on the other a big commercial bread bakery. So we got to put up with the banging and clanging of the auto shop during the day and the tantalizing smell of fresh baking bread all night. There are some hot guys working at both places and I can see the bakery from my bedroom window.

The place is okay, a little small, but it's all  mine! Meagan got me some sort of a victim of crime (because of the cult) stipend to start over. She took me down to the Goodwill local nice dept store to pick out furniture and stuff I needed with the money. Now I'm set up on my own, not alot of stuff yet but the start, including a new wardrobe. Plus it turns out that some of my belongings were put in storage while I was away so I didn't need as much as I thought I might! All my good men-lurin' undies and L Anne Carrington books were intact.

It's taken me the better part of this week to settle in and get the place just the way I like it.  But I've had to sleep in because the bakery men are keeping me awake all night, the smells and I see them when they come out to catch a smoke. Wonder what's the best way to strike up a conversation with one of those studs.

Hateful Biddies

I'm having to spent most of this weekend in my room reading the romance wressling novels of my favorite author L. Anne Carrington. I ain't read "The Cruiserweight's Daughter" and "Beautiful" and I cain't WAIT till the new one she did for Nanowrimo that those jellus skeelton whores said was faked comes out. Something called "Klass Act"

There are some hateful biddies here, not all of them skeleton whores, many as curvy and womanly as myself and Miss L. Anne. Most of them are either straight out of jail or straight out of rehab, not the type of classy ladies I usually share a building with. Trashy tramps with undyed hair and too much or too little makeup, missing teeth and with tattoos. Tattoos! Can you imagine!

One of them was reading over my shoulder when I was at one of L. Anne Carrington's author pages to read some of her "Cougars and Studs" romances. First one started laughing, slapped me on the back of the head and screeched I was reading porn, bad porn and porn she's seen elsewhere.

As I kept screaming for the house mother this trashy whore and her friends pushed my Hoverround back from the computer screen and started hooting and laughing over the books and L. Anne's beautiful pictures, calling her a 'fat old granny type white woman' that needs to stick to knitting and her cats instead of hot porn. The worst one kept yelling that there was no way L. Anne could ever had had sex as big and frumpy as she is.

I hightailed it out of there, crankying my Hoverround up to 11 and trucking down the street to the Pachos All You Can Eat Mexican Buffett. I stayed there till after dark and drowned my sorrows and fright in turkey flautas and sopapia breadds. When I got back they'd moved on to something else, still around the computer and paying no mind when I came in.

I've been hiding in my room since, except for meal time. Those bitches have been complaining that I can't do chores and the rest of them can. Meagan has been promising me she'd have me in a new apartment by now but nothing turned up till Friday. She's supposed to be moving me on Monday and I cannot wait! I'm in with too many lowlifes here.

Dirty Liars

Since I'm not able to help out much here in this halfway house/homeless place Meagan my social worker has stashed me I've been cruising the internets with the computer here when I'm not watching UFC and wressling.

Found out that my favorite author Lori Anne Carrington has another book coming out soon!! Squeeeeeeeeeal!!! I found out through looking at some stupid site people write books on, nanowrimo.org Turns out there are tons of mean jellus heifers there that are accusing L. Anne of cheating by writing ten thousand words a day on her new book. They are trying to sasys that she wrote it earlier and uploaded bits pof it everyay ayd day (sorry, I spilted Fanta on the keyb oard and the letters are stickinng now!)

There is no whay that is true! L.Anne Carrington is a classyu full-figureds beauty and writter of Integgratea! She would no more cheat than eat offa some celebrities plate at one of the big swanky to-doos she attends as an expert on wressling.

They are just bitter jellus skeleton whores!!

You keepe on writting L. Anne!

L Anne Carrington Romance Books!

While I'm killing time at this halfway house my social worker Meagan has me stashed at I got a gift from some nice lady what works with the poor fat uneducated criminal disabled people. She's from one of the local country clubs. She gave me a Kindle. Okay, so it's an older Kindle ereader type thing. She gave it to me because I said I liked to read and the only reading material in this place are Bibles and Guidepost Magazines. Nothing exciting.

The ereader had about a dozen books on it already and she give me a gift card for twenty bucks since I can't work and my Hoverround makes it impossible for me to help out here while I'm waiting for permanent housing. I hope I get it soon because the food served around here is sort of like jail food. Lots of baloney, noodles, tuna and peanut butter. But you can eat as much as you want.

After another baloney sandwish and chips I decided to hang out in my room and fire up this ereader thingie and download some of those wrestling romantical books by L. Anne Carrington also known as Lori Anne Dennick. She writes so purty and it makes me all hot and bothered.

But when I went to Amazone and spelled out Wrasslin' Romance Novels there were a ton of them and I had to search hard to see hers cuz they were down at the bottom of the list. How did that happen? I don't get it at all! Someone needs to start a pattision!  It ain't fair!

I Has A Sad!

I knows, I knows, I been gone a long ass time now.. most of a year.

It's been a doozy of a year.

I got the terrible runs right after Jacky left and I hot footted it over to the Piggly Wiggly on the corner after watching some teevee. The pharmasist gave me all sorts of suggestions for getting my dieahreeha...err, dierearreeda... hmmm, the shits stopped.

Nothing he told me worked. So I had to charge my Hoverround up to full battery and get on over to the Rite Aide. The guy there told me something different, sold me some different pills and sent me on my way. It was slow going getting there and getting back because my runs were so bad I had to pad the seat of the Hoverround with towels incase I leaked or got the uncontrolable shits again. I guess I should lay off those deep fried jalepenos because it started right after I had two boxes of them.

As I was motoring across the shopping center parking lot this hot guy approached me. He handed me some papers, a pamplet and all sorts of shit talking about the end of the world and who would be saved. He was the hottest bald man I ever did see. He wore a white robe, Jesus sandals and big black aviator sunglasses. He was from a religious organization called the  Solstice Inquisitors Softened Sufferers of Yesteryears Soldiers, or SISSYS for short. 

I didn't know what SISSYS did but this fellow was so swanky and promising of a better life that I found myself drawn in. He told me that once all the SISSYS beam up to the space ship and land on the planet of Outer Solstistine they would need good strong breeders like me to repopulate the joint. He promised me that I would be revered and loved by the SISSYS and I could start contributing right now.

Things around my part of the planeet ain't been so great, so I decided to go with him. Go home just long enough to pack a suitcase and come right back. They would take care of me and, to boot, I'd get some good hot lovin' to help make more SISSYS.

Got packed and high tailed right back to the parking lot. By this time a big black van with dark tinted windows showed up with a few other hunky dudes wearing robes with shaved heads. They picked me and my Hoverround up and tossed us into the back of the van and I was on my way to a new life.

It was full assed darkness by the time we got to the SISSYS compound. Looked like a big warehouse in the middle of nowhere. It was and it was divided into cubicles for living and big open spaces for activities, like worship and orgies. The next morning they shaved my head and I was issued my very own SISSYS robe. Thankfully my runs had stopped so I didn't ruin the robe with my shit.

Kept asking them when the next orgy was only to be told it would would be on the next solstice, not a moment before and The Leader would decide who got schtupped and who didn't.

I kept trying to flirt with the guys but no one paid no mind. It was like they was robots are something.  Started thinking that this sucked after I realized there were a ton of skeleton whores there too but I couldn't leave. The Leader locked us in and I'd signed away my SSI payments to SISSYS. Every time I'd make noises about leaving I'd have to spend a couple of days in the Reflection Room, listening to round the clock taped sermonds by The Leader and being deprived of anything to eat or drink. I was positively faintified by the end of the Reflection sessions and would say anything just to get some small scrap of bean porrige we lived on.

Finally! The Solstice came and the orgy was scheduled. My lady parts were throbbing with anticipation, at least till I got a load of the official Orgy List posted on the wall. My name weren't on it! I was assigned to watch the kids during the orgy. I fumed and sat around  with a couple of dozen brats while the skeleton whores were getting the sex I shoulda been having.

This went on again and again and again till I couldn't take no more. I kept looking for a chance to escape but it just never came. I didn't come either.

Finally I just decided to ditch a few minutes into the Solstice Orgy, left the disgusting snot nosed brats by themselves and squoze myself and my Hoverround out of the garbage chute and out onto the blacktop before running my ride at full speed down the lonesome highway. Once I got to a payphone I called my old social worker Meagan. She come and got me. All of this took place before the end of the four hour orgy. I spent a couple of nights in a homeless shelter before Meagan helped me get set up again on my own.

Cross my  heart and swear to Jesus that I will never go off with a hot guy whho wants me to join his cult ever again. Been so long since I've had good loving I'm revirginized again. I did lose 40 pounds on the bean gruel at the place.

Tacky Jacky & Bowels No Move Part 1

It's been a freaking worl whind. Jacky spent most of her week she was here down at the bar. Several times a night the bar tender would call me up and demand I come get Jacky. The first night I got there and she was atrying to dance, dirty dance, skelton whore strippin right in her Hoverround. Her top was scoooched up over her Playtex Living Bra, showing not only her bra but the age spots and stretch marks on her ta-tas were showing. The barkeep told me she was giving lap dances and putting on a show for free drinks.

That's kinda how it went all week. Jacky would sleep till almost supper time before getting all gussied up and driving her Hoverround to one of the bars and I'd get the late night call. Coupla times the cops brought her to me, insisting I keep her inside with her clothes on, no more bars! I told them I could no more control her than you can make a man do what you wanted in bed.

Finally, the day came when I could load Jacky back on the bus to Oklahoma. The night before she left we almost got into a fist fight because I got another call to come gets her from the bar. I got there and I saw her rubbing up against Eddie like a tramp with an ichy boil on her ass. My Eddie~! My Angel!!!!!!!! Bewfore I knew how it happened I was up on her like a hongry tiger up on a pound of ground round.. Eddie tried to get mee offa her by saying, "Ladies, ladies, ain't no reason to fight, there's enough of the Eddstir to go around."  Now that really set me off! Eddie had to walk between us all the way home to keep me from wailing on her ass.

By the time I got home after dropping Jacky at the bus station and making sure she got on board I started feeling poorly and it went downhill from there...

Part 2 later after I finish drooling ovah Steve Kroft on Sixty Sexy Minutes...

Guests & Friends Stink!

It was aokay I got asked to go home because I had to get ready for my friend Jacky to visit. Jacky and I knew each other from the Sleep Apnea boards and we've been chatting up a storm for months and months. Jacky, like me, is a big beautiful woman and she took Greyhound to me home here from her home in Oklahoma.

She'd saved enough money to take the bus here and then the city bus to my apartment. I was almost ashamed for her to see the place I'm at cuz' it's filled with weirdos, sex offenders and perverts plus my apartment isn't as nice as the last one was. But she seemed like she didn't mind.

Jacky got here yesterday late at night. We sat up and giggled and drank the swankiest of beers before going to bed in the wee hours. She bedded down on my new swanky sofa with the fold out bed.

Now this morning when I got up I noticed Jacky had packed up her suitcase and put it by the front door. She was sitting in her Rascal dressed fancy. I had to asked her what was up because she was supposed to stay the whoel week, not just one part of a day. Jacky tells me in a snotty skeleton whore stuck up tone that surely I did not expect her to stay here with me the entire week. She'd told her servants keepers at the disabled facility that she was visiting me but really she was coming to my town to meet up with her internet boyfriend from the World of Warcraft game. I. Got. Used. For. A. BOOTYCALL!!! How unswanky!

We didn't speak the rest of the morning. I grunted my disapproval when she asked me to pass the sugar bowl and she sat drinking her coffeee ignoring me till he arrived.

This huge handsome muscular man of another raise showed up, came in, took one look at Jacky with her permed puff of thin hair, burgandy pants suit and Rascal and shouted, "Ah Hell Naw!!" and RAN! I don't know what he thought Jacky looked like but it must not have been what he expected. As he was running down the apartment complex hallway Jacky took off after him like she was in the Indy 500, cranking that gear box to 11 chasing that man.

Eventually she came back and blamed her online boyfriend's flight on me. ME? Said I scared him off by looking like fat Betty White on crack. As if!

We've been squabbling every since and Jacky's return ticket isn't until next weekend. So I'm stuck with her now. Right now she's out, she rode her Rascal down to the bar down the road and was muttering something about getting a bus to the Indian Casino. I don't know.