Yesterday I hobbled around, reading my copy of L. Anne Carrington's book "50" Thought I'd give it a read while I was out of commission from falling through that defective coffee table while danczing seductively for Eddie.
I looks like gremlins have been nawing on my legs.
Round about noon I decided to hang my delicates out on my porch. I draped them over the rail of the handicapped ramp I ride my Hoverround up and down to get in my apartment. I'm gonna be back on the Hoverround for awhile because of my legs. People round here tried to borrow it a couple of times to ride down to the liquior store in comfort but I says no.
I went back inside to warm up a pan of Cinnabon rolls for mid afternoon third snack and when i went into the living room there was Eddie in plain view a sanatching up my black spandex Spankalikes in size 12X, He grabbed my black psanks, some panties and my feathered baby doll nighty and ran off with them, panting like a fiend.
See! I knew it! He likes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Snap Crack 'em Pop
I was so excited last night! We were finally gonna have an social event at the complex. The last place I lived had all kinds of stuff to do, bingo, canasta, ball room dancing, coupon trading night, you name it! We even usedta have a shuttle bus to the Piggly WIggly on Senior Citizen Day. But this joint usually has nothing. Just manditoary meetings down in the community classroom where some snotty bitch talks about 'Good touch' versus 'Bad touch' or tries to get everyone to take saltpeter pills.
When the flyer went out saying they were gonna have a 'get to know your neighbor' mixer I was so excited I had to run down to Fashion Bug to try and get somethign to wear. Their clothes gotten too expensive so I ended up at Wal Mart. Got a tropical peasant dress in oranges, peaches and browns, apush up bra and some sort of girdle contraption. The people down at the rehab center that work on my back keep telling me I should be trussing myself up in a truss contraption to support my back and my stomach muscles.
I was hoping so hard that Crazy Eddie the piana tuner would be there. He's been making eyes at me since I moved in. He looks sort of like Wilford Brimley with really really long hair and his head is baldish on top. If I squint hard I can pretend he's Noah Wiley when he's old. After asking around I found out that Eddie is here because he kept having tons of DUIs but the last DUI he ran his jeep into through the front window of a Curves workout studio, the same one I used to go too, jumpt out of his car screaming about wanting a lady before he started sniffing all the seats of the equipment. Seat sniffing unfairly labeled him a sex offender, which is why he's here.
It gives us something in common because I was accused of humping the equipment seats before being banned from Curves. People kept reporting I wasn't working out I was rubbing up and getting off. So I know what being imprisoned on some idiots lie is like.
Took real specual care getting ready. I put on my new girdle and bra, put on my dress and wore a new pair of fancy sparkly sandels with high heels. I was groaning when I walked at first because I haven't worn high heels in a coon's age. But I wanted to look sexy and alluring. Even used more makeup than I usually do and styled my short hair standing straight up with sparkly gel.
The party was a bust. People milling around shoveling veinna sausages in jelly in they mouths and washign them down with Nehi sodas. The other appitizer was moon pies cut into slivers with toothpicks driven in them like a stake through a vampires heart on. Normally I'd have been eating like it was my last meal but the appitite I had tonight was not for food...but for loving.
By the time I figured out where Crazy Eddie was that handsome man had ladies plenty hanging off his Fu Manchu sideburns. There was One Eyed Tess, the gal that chopped off her husband's Willy when he tried to wake her up. I also spotted former meth addict and hooker Twicia, smiling like she had teeth instead of blackened stubbs. Even old Mrs. Lester was cooing and flirting with Crazy Eddie.
I just knew in my heart of hearts I had to take bold measures to capture the attention of my future boyfirend Eddie so I switched the CD to something lively, but I musta hit the wrong button because instead of "These Boots" the song that started blaring out was "Oh Mickey" just as I jumped up on the coffee table and started dancing the Watusi Wagon Wheel.
I'd spent all week learnin' that dance by watching "Burlesque" all week and practicing..Old Missus Sue downstairs kept pounding on my floor and her ceiling telling me to knock off the noise.
The room grew silent as I started dancing that Watusia like my life depended on that shit. But... one of my heels broke and then the other one snapped. As I started to fall my girdle gave way with a mighty rubbery 'thwaaappp' sound, flew across the room and wapped Eddie right in the head. He passed out just as the coffee table gave way and I fell through.
Didn't get laid, the only thing I got for my troubles were laughed at and a trip to the ER to get splinters from the coffee table picked out of my shins and feet.
When the flyer went out saying they were gonna have a 'get to know your neighbor' mixer I was so excited I had to run down to Fashion Bug to try and get somethign to wear. Their clothes gotten too expensive so I ended up at Wal Mart. Got a tropical peasant dress in oranges, peaches and browns, apush up bra and some sort of girdle contraption. The people down at the rehab center that work on my back keep telling me I should be trussing myself up in a truss contraption to support my back and my stomach muscles.
I was hoping so hard that Crazy Eddie the piana tuner would be there. He's been making eyes at me since I moved in. He looks sort of like Wilford Brimley with really really long hair and his head is baldish on top. If I squint hard I can pretend he's Noah Wiley when he's old. After asking around I found out that Eddie is here because he kept having tons of DUIs but the last DUI he ran his jeep into through the front window of a Curves workout studio, the same one I used to go too, jumpt out of his car screaming about wanting a lady before he started sniffing all the seats of the equipment. Seat sniffing unfairly labeled him a sex offender, which is why he's here.
It gives us something in common because I was accused of humping the equipment seats before being banned from Curves. People kept reporting I wasn't working out I was rubbing up and getting off. So I know what being imprisoned on some idiots lie is like.
Took real specual care getting ready. I put on my new girdle and bra, put on my dress and wore a new pair of fancy sparkly sandels with high heels. I was groaning when I walked at first because I haven't worn high heels in a coon's age. But I wanted to look sexy and alluring. Even used more makeup than I usually do and styled my short hair standing straight up with sparkly gel.
The party was a bust. People milling around shoveling veinna sausages in jelly in they mouths and washign them down with Nehi sodas. The other appitizer was moon pies cut into slivers with toothpicks driven in them like a stake through a vampires heart on. Normally I'd have been eating like it was my last meal but the appitite I had tonight was not for food...but for loving.
By the time I figured out where Crazy Eddie was that handsome man had ladies plenty hanging off his Fu Manchu sideburns. There was One Eyed Tess, the gal that chopped off her husband's Willy when he tried to wake her up. I also spotted former meth addict and hooker Twicia, smiling like she had teeth instead of blackened stubbs. Even old Mrs. Lester was cooing and flirting with Crazy Eddie.
I just knew in my heart of hearts I had to take bold measures to capture the attention of my future boyfirend Eddie so I switched the CD to something lively, but I musta hit the wrong button because instead of "These Boots" the song that started blaring out was "Oh Mickey" just as I jumped up on the coffee table and started dancing the Watusi Wagon Wheel.
I'd spent all week learnin' that dance by watching "Burlesque" all week and practicing..Old Missus Sue downstairs kept pounding on my floor and her ceiling telling me to knock off the noise.
The room grew silent as I started dancing that Watusia like my life depended on that shit. But... one of my heels broke and then the other one snapped. As I started to fall my girdle gave way with a mighty rubbery 'thwaaappp' sound, flew across the room and wapped Eddie right in the head. He passed out just as the coffee table gave way and I fell through.
Didn't get laid, the only thing I got for my troubles were laughed at and a trip to the ER to get splinters from the coffee table picked out of my shins and feet.
Less Large & In Charge
Sorry I've been so gone so long. I've been..uh... errr.. in the mental hospital.. eeek.... in prison... aruhhh.. living under a bush.... hmmm... travelin', that's right, traveling. Travelin' in the service of the state.. as an undercover picking up trash by the side of the road with a armed prison guard watching agent. I got to see how our interstate road works system and restrooms aren manned and washed and trash picked up..
One thing I can say 'bout travenlin around. Don't ever take some retardo kids Halloween candies.
During my traveils my apartment was leased out to someone else. But my social worker Meagan got me into another place. It's nicer in some ways, it's for elderly and disabledsex offenders/jailbirds. I have my own washer and dryzer right in my unit but it's smaller. Once we got my stuff outta storage we had to give some to Goodwill, lkike my king zied bed. I had to get a double sized to fit the bedroom. I went from a tousand square feet to only sevenn hundred fifty square feet.
During my service to the state I threw out my back mightly. So now I have as many Vicodin, Percocsts, Oxys, muscle relaxers, whatevers I need. No more uh, borrowing, them from others. Plus I don't have to do stupid stuff like work filing at Meagans office.
You'd think all this woulda made me gain weigh but no, I've lost seven pounds since the first of the year. If I keep loosing at this rate I'll be skeleton whore skinny in about 4 years.
And... I think I have a new boyfriend on the horizon. His name is Crazy Eddie. One of his eyes crosses but I think it gives him a look of dashing debonair daring handsome.. he's a pieanna tuner and says that he was railroaded. I guess that means he musta worked for Norfolk Southern at one time.
One thing I can say 'bout travenlin around. Don't ever take some retardo kids Halloween candies.
During my traveils my apartment was leased out to someone else. But my social worker Meagan got me into another place. It's nicer in some ways, it's for elderly and disabled
During my service to the state I threw out my back mightly. So now I have as many Vicodin, Percocsts, Oxys, muscle relaxers, whatevers I need. No more uh, borrowing, them from others. Plus I don't have to do stupid stuff like work filing at Meagans office.
You'd think all this woulda made me gain weigh but no, I've lost seven pounds since the first of the year. If I keep loosing at this rate I'll be skeleton whore skinny in about 4 years.
And... I think I have a new boyfriend on the horizon. His name is Crazy Eddie. One of his eyes crosses but I think it gives him a look of dashing debonair daring handsome.. he's a pieanna tuner and says that he was railroaded. I guess that means he musta worked for Norfolk Southern at one time.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Readin' & No Writin'
Yesterday I was glum and down in the dumps so I figured I would look up published author L Anne Carrington's works at that Nanowrimo.org thingie she's been saying for ages that she does. I was shocked, I tells you, shocked!!!
Might have to find mes a better role model for life than L Anne Carrington, writer of "The Cruiserweight" Why? Because she's apparently lyin', turns out that those there big old meanies skeleton whores at L Anne Carrington Booksite might be right.
She gots a profile over at Nano's main site but she ain't NEVER participated in Nanowrimo for all her hollaring about how great it is and how she's lurves it. Ain't once written a lick for it or tried it. Looks l ike she just tried to use it to gets more people to look at her wrasslin' romantical novel. Free ad whorin'.....
I am just plumb flabberghausted to catch myt hero in a passel of lies. What else have I beens wrong about
Might have to find mes a better role model for life than L Anne Carrington, writer of "The Cruiserweight" Why? Because she's apparently lyin', turns out that those there big old meanies skeleton whores at L Anne Carrington Booksite might be right.
She gots a profile over at Nano's main site but she ain't NEVER participated in Nanowrimo for all her hollaring about how great it is and how she's lurves it. Ain't once written a lick for it or tried it. Looks l ike she just tried to use it to gets more people to look at her wrasslin' romantical novel. Free ad whorin'.....
I am just plumb flabberghausted to catch myt hero in a passel of lies. What else have I beens wrong about
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Candy Robber
Yesterday I spent most of the day trying to figure out how I could swing a visit to the Romantic Times convention so I can a) gets my copy of "The Crusierweight" signed by the author and b) see her host a panel on Bridging Romance and Rasselling. I ain't got the money so I guess I'm going to hae to ask kind fellow readers to help me to get to Los Angeles. That's how L Anne Carrington is raising the bucks to get from McKeesport, PA to L.A. by begging for it online. You can send the money to mys Paypal account, name DewIFleeceEm. I thanks you kindly.
But when darkness fell I decided to flee to the bushes around the complex insteads of staying inside and facing the little retarded kids they bus in to trick or treat at our complex. It was a bitter night, not jus because it was cold, but it reminded me of all the junk I don't have that I deserve, like kids, a man, a real home..
There I was boohooing my eyes out alone in the bushes becasue I didn't dare go to the party being hosted by slutty skeleton whores in the club room when a kid wandered off and sat down in the bushes next to me. He plopped down and I could tell the little drooler weren't right in the mind, he kept grunting and filling his pants. That wasn't the only thing full, his plastic grocery sack was filled up with candy and he'd dropped it.
Here was my opportunity to make tonight better. I scooped up his bag, scooped most of the candy into the pockets of my muu muu and hightailed it back to my apartment. Careful to keep the lights off I sat in the darkness and delighted myself with the delicously gooey candies. Ahh.
But when darkness fell I decided to flee to the bushes around the complex insteads of staying inside and facing the little retarded kids they bus in to trick or treat at our complex. It was a bitter night, not jus because it was cold, but it reminded me of all the junk I don't have that I deserve, like kids, a man, a real home..
There I was boohooing my eyes out alone in the bushes becasue I didn't dare go to the party being hosted by slutty skeleton whores in the club room when a kid wandered off and sat down in the bushes next to me. He plopped down and I could tell the little drooler weren't right in the mind, he kept grunting and filling his pants. That wasn't the only thing full, his plastic grocery sack was filled up with candy and he'd dropped it.
Here was my opportunity to make tonight better. I scooped up his bag, scooped most of the candy into the pockets of my muu muu and hightailed it back to my apartment. Careful to keep the lights off I sat in the darkness and delighted myself with the delicously gooey candies. Ahh.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Hollow Ween
Sad weekend. I spent Satuday swimming at the Y. I was just so happy to be out of jail that I rode my Hoverround over to swim all day. Plus all those lonely nights in the jail house left me with an itch to scratch, an itch for a man, a new man.
Tried to stop by Fashion Bug for asexay new swimming suit only to find they done closed down while I was away. So I had dto wear my old one with the sprung elastic in the top. Didn't matter, I spotted a lone hot man immediately and I kept trying to swim by him. The first couple of times he was talking to another man wearing a wedding ring. I thought for sure he'd be impressed by my spectacular all natural 56ZZZ boobies but he didn't even react. I figured he had to be gay! But later every time I looked over he was chatting up the skeleton whore that calls herself a lifeguard. Hottie was tripping over his tongue every time he talked to the life-ho.
I followed him to the hot tub, thinking he might be intertested up close. I batted my beautimous eyes at him and wiggled my swanky tits. He wouldn't even look at me. No dice.I went home alone.
Sunday weren't much better. Visited the church down the street again, the place that gave me that car and bought my Hoverround but they weren't friendly this atime at all. Sure, they fed me at their endless luncheons and snacks but no one would talk to me and as I went to leave several of the snootier church ladies told me not to come back after what I'd done with the car. They think I'm an ungrateful gal.
I hightailed it back home, only stopping at the Piggly Wiggly to get some halloween candy for the trick or treaters tonight. But the next thing I know I woke up this morning in a pile of candy wrappers. Sigh, another year spent hiding with the lights off when the kids come around.
Tried to stop by Fashion Bug for asexay new swimming suit only to find they done closed down while I was away. So I had dto wear my old one with the sprung elastic in the top. Didn't matter, I spotted a lone hot man immediately and I kept trying to swim by him. The first couple of times he was talking to another man wearing a wedding ring. I thought for sure he'd be impressed by my spectacular all natural 56ZZZ boobies but he didn't even react. I figured he had to be gay! But later every time I looked over he was chatting up the skeleton whore that calls herself a lifeguard. Hottie was tripping over his tongue every time he talked to the life-ho.
I followed him to the hot tub, thinking he might be intertested up close. I batted my beautimous eyes at him and wiggled my swanky tits. He wouldn't even look at me. No dice.I went home alone.
Sunday weren't much better. Visited the church down the street again, the place that gave me that car and bought my Hoverround but they weren't friendly this atime at all. Sure, they fed me at their endless luncheons and snacks but no one would talk to me and as I went to leave several of the snootier church ladies told me not to come back after what I'd done with the car. They think I'm an ungrateful gal.
I hightailed it back home, only stopping at the Piggly Wiggly to get some halloween candy for the trick or treaters tonight. But the next thing I know I woke up this morning in a pile of candy wrappers. Sigh, another year spent hiding with the lights off when the kids come around.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Pokey Time Again
I've been away. Right after the Cletus Clydeburn Ridge McStuddmuffin troubles the local cop shop arrested me for false charges of having stole a car. I don't know what they mean. I parked that rental car and left the key under the floorboards then calledup the rental car place to come over here and gets it. Turns out that's illegal too. They told me only Mary Lynn was supposed to be driving it according to the rental agreement so I got hit with conversion of rental property too..
That bitch social worker of mine, Meagan, refused to bail me out this time. Normally she pleads leniencey for me because she says I'm crazy. This time she told the cops to do their worst because I was turning into a ha-habitjewel offenter.
Jail sucks. Jail food sucks a little less, it's just the repeating of the meals that sucks. Many times the meals is a big slab of baloney white bread and some mushy fruit. I don't eat the fruit because as you know fruits and veggies are scary, they grow in the dirt, the same dirt animals shit in.
but now I'm back, large and in charge, and I'm about to follow footsteps of my thinspeiration L Anne Carrington. Yes folks, I'm signing up for Nanonanowrittermo. and I'm gonna write some hot UFC fiction about a hot relationship between Brock Lesnar and Tito Ortiz complete with love scenes. It's gonna be so good! I hope to get it published like L Anne got her novel published, with one of those you pay they publish online outfits.
I better go, my stomach is rumbling and I'm drooling at the thought of real food for a change. Gonna have some sausage and eggs. Mmmmm... sausage! Damn I missCletus Clyburn Ridge McStuddmuffins sometimes..
That bitch social worker of mine, Meagan, refused to bail me out this time. Normally she pleads leniencey for me because she says I'm crazy. This time she told the cops to do their worst because I was turning into a ha-habitjewel offenter.
Jail sucks. Jail food sucks a little less, it's just the repeating of the meals that sucks. Many times the meals is a big slab of baloney white bread and some mushy fruit. I don't eat the fruit because as you know fruits and veggies are scary, they grow in the dirt, the same dirt animals shit in.
but now I'm back, large and in charge, and I'm about to follow footsteps of my thinspeiration L Anne Carrington. Yes folks, I'm signing up for Nanonanowrittermo. and I'm gonna write some hot UFC fiction about a hot relationship between Brock Lesnar and Tito Ortiz complete with love scenes. It's gonna be so good! I hope to get it published like L Anne got her novel published, with one of those you pay they publish online outfits.
I better go, my stomach is rumbling and I'm drooling at the thought of real food for a change. Gonna have some sausage and eggs. Mmmmm... sausage! Damn I miss
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