Dew Drop In

While I'm recovering from falling on the dance floor I decided to visit my friend Lynette in Dew Drop, Mississipi, not far from the casinos and Gulf Coast area. She's really having a rough time of it.

Decided she just couldn'dt get along on her own, she doesn't know how to manage her disability check like I do mine so she took her aged mama out of the nursing home and moved mama into the apartment with her. Her two brothers don't like that idea at all!

One of her brothers is this big gay famous exercise guru that lives in Los Angeles, but he's housebound or pouting, or something. No one has seen him out and about for a year now. But he still fires off angry emails at Lynette every now and again. She thinks he's hiding out with a pile of Ho-Hos and YoHos getting fat again where his fans cannot see him.

Her other brother is a musician somewhere, a long haired dope smoking hippy freak according to Lynnette.

Point is -  neither of them givesa  shit where Lynette's mama is, they just don't want her with Lynnette, something about a stolen treasure trove of Slipada jewelry, a stolen check book and a T-Bird they both keep claiming Lynnette took. I don't know,  I just know her mama is completely senile.

Lynnette has been dressing her mama up like different historical figures, like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and taking pictures of her mama in those get ups and posting them Facebook. Both brothers are losing their minds over it and leaving all sorts of threats towards her on her FB feed.

In the meantime we're having a good good time, going out to eat, watching American Idol and dressing up her moma like a big doll.

Hired me a lawller fellow to sue the casino for my fall and for them not having up signs warning folks that the dance floor might get slippery if you put oil on it, but I ain't heard nothing yet.

Banned

Got banned this weekend from the Eyle of Daphne Casino this weekend. I am plumb heartbroken to boot!

Nope, it ain't because of my Rascal loosing control and running me through their plate glass window. I did think about suing because they shouldn't have used breakable glass in their front window, but they gave me money on a house account to gamble and eat with at the casino if I signed a piece of paper promising not to sue

What got them unfairly fired up and caused them to discriminate against me as a big beuatiful woman was what happened in the main show bar that Antione, the singer than looks likee Adam Lambert, performs at.

I've been there every night this week, well, I got money from crashing teh window to eat, drink and be merry there. Antiones been actlike a cold fish since I crashed into the window and he's been ignoring me.

Last night during the band's break I decided I would show off my exceptional dancng skills, show him what I'm made of. I've been practicing. So when JLos new song 'Booty' started playing on the club sound system during the break I got offa my Rascal, threw off my coat and shook my booty.

I have a nice big round JLo booty. I'm not just a set of 56ZZZ boobies.

Last night I was waering the same thing as JLo in that video, a tight see through knit dress, skin toned. When I started dancing I poured a bottle of baby oil on the back of my dressto be all oily slick like she is in the video.

At first it went well, I was locking eyes with Antoine, shaking my money maker hard and he could not keep his eyes off my shapely womanly butt. But I made a serious miscowculation with the oil and it started to drip down off my ass and allover the dance floor. I lost my footing and turned into a human bowling ball, sliding at full vilosity into other people. Knocked over most of the crowd on the dance floor, bowled over a waitress with a full tray of drinks. But that wasn't even the worst of it! I slid hard right into Antione and his band members!

Somehow Antoine has a broken leg now and the drummer broke his hands! The bass players nose is broken and hs eyes swollen shut. Other ban membrs have injures that they are all blaming on me! ME! I didn't do nothing wrong, I just wanted to show Antione what he was missing by not being with me.

I'mat home, black, blue and embarassed adn banned. What would L. Anne Carrington do? I tried to do what I thought she might do, offer blow jobs to the managment guys to forget all of this but none of those guys would cooporate!

Ice and Glass

The weather here has turned as cold as winter in my old city. I am upset because I don't really have any winter clothes. All my stuff is back at Sir Sirloins house in the Upper Pennsula of Michigan. That meant yesterday morning I had to put on about five layers of my clothes and take the bus down to the Wal Mart for a winter coat and warmer stuff.

By the time I got that done, got back to my apartment it was almost time for my bb look alike, Antoine Aucoin, to do his lunch time performance. Time to wheel down in my Rascal for some lunch and watching that hot man do his thing.

There was just one problem. With the temps being in the 20s it did something to the power steering in my Rascal, it wasn't working at all! Took all my strength to turn the sucker.

But I could not miss Antoine, so I hustled on down to the Eyle of Dauphne Casino, sitting on the beach here in Biloxi. It's all downhill to the beach from the town proper. What I didn't count on beside the power steering going out is that the cold weather stopped the brakes from working. I was going down the hill towards the casino when my power chair kept speeding up. Tried to brake but nothing happened, not even a squeal.

Didn't mean to ram the front plate glass window of the casino full force, but that's just what happened. Glass flew everywhere and people came running over to see what had happened. Even Antione came over while I was laying in a pool of glass shards. He said the meanest thing ever, "Oh, it's just you.." before returning to the stage. I must figure out a way to win his love, keep him from the skeleton whores that hang all over him at the casino.

Spent the rest of the day at the hospital getting checked out.  They let me go but said that I had too much sugar in my urine. I told them that could not be because I hadn't drank any suger.

Today I'm just watching old ER episodes and eating Rocky Road to make my cuts and bruises feel better.

Jackpot

One of the nice things about living within Hoverround distance of the casinos is the buffets. They have these huge H-U-G-E all you can eat spreads for one low price. Plus they got all these musical acts that come for dirt cheap.

But especially the house band over at the Eyle of Dauphne casino. The lead singer is a dead ringer for one of my favorite American Idols hot guys. Looks like my bb Adam Lambert. Every night I wheel on down to the casino and park myself fronts and center to watch this guy. Tonight I'm going to work up my nerves L. Anne Carrington style and ask him out on a date, or coffee, or someting.

It's beenawhile since I've had a good man.

Moved On

In the past months I've moved, moved on from my apartmenet on the banks of the river and those self righteous pea hens that like to trouble me. Living in Biloxi now.

Lemma back up. Right after my high school reunion this summer I got engaged to my old classmate Sir Sirloin, the guy that works in the pie factory. He packed up my apartment and I moved in with him. He told me he had a big house, almost a palace, that he owned so I was powerfully disappointted to find out that he had a lousy little rambler type home that looked like it was at least sixty years old and hand't had anything done to it since.

The biggest problem was that his last fiancee, a skeleton-whore named Dolores, lived in teh basement. She is a hateful stick, with more wrinkles than Zsa-Zsa Gabor's ass and about the same attitude as Zsa. Puffing on cigarettes, downing the booze and pawing Sir Sirloin right in front of me like he was the last guy left living up on the Upper Pennensula of Michigan. She works with him at th epie factory. She's a pie filler and he's a crust inspector.

I hadn't even unpacked when Delores cornered me in the kitchenette and told me to back off, Sirloin was her meal ticket, not mine. I can just see her right now, chomping that gum like a tramp, blowing smoke in my face while sucking down Wild Irishe Rose wine with a top so low her pathetic tiny titties were almost hanging out.

Once Delories went stomping back down stairs I took a stroll through Sir Sirloins desk in our bedroom and found out he's worth more dough than the Pillsbubry Dough Man. His daddy left him trusts and investiments but you'd never know it from this crappy house. Made me all the more determined to stay with him.

But the longer I lived with Sir Sirloin the less gentlemanly he became. He started telling folks at the bars when we were out together that he was gonna marry me because I was good enough for now, till something better came along. He started cutting me down to folks, claiming my feet were dirty and black, saying I didn't wash my downstairs enough and all sorts of capaicious lies. But I kept my mouth shut, even when he bought my engagement ring from Wal Mart, that's how much I loved him.

One morning I left before Sir Sirloin and Delores had to leave from their work shifts. I had to  go register for food stamps and disability get to the market for a few things. When I got back a few hours later I was feeling faintified from the long ride on my Rascal and the bus, sos I decided to take a nap. Went into our bedroom, pulled back the sheets and found a skanky child-sized pair of used womens drawers between teh sheets along with jizz stains! It looked like Sir Sirloin and Delores had been fooling around while I was gone!

Rage filled me and I hopped back on that bus iwth my Rascal and rode out to the pie factory to confront the cheeaters! But I was foiled by the front office, they would not let me go on the production floor to confrotn those cheeaters so I told the front office folks that SirSirloins house burned down this morning and I had ot break the news to him and Delores.

I was still fuming pretty hard by the time both Sirloin and Delores showed up. Delores showed up first and immediately started screeching I was some sort of 'dumb cunt' to allow the house to burn down. Then Sirloin showed up. I told them both that I knew they were screwing behind my back and SIrloin told me to get out of his house, burned or unburned. I left and I did. I got out of his house just packing a couple of suitcases and leaving everything I owned behind. Flew down took the bus to see Lynette in Missississipppppi aw hell I never could spell that states name.

Things didn't go no bettter there if you read my last entry. After her step dad Timmy died and his kids found the cleaned out safe they called in the cops, who dusted the dman thing for prints. Because of the misunderstanding a coupel of years ago about the gym hot tub and that hot guy my prints must be on some computer, because before I knew it I was arrested for stealing and sent away to a finishing school state prison for a few months.

When I came out I decided I like it here, even if living on the beach isn't something my idol L. Anne Carrington would do. Because I'd not been using my SSI while I was traveling and at the school I had a sweet pile of casht o get situated again, plus I got a apartment in a community just like the one I left. Social services helped me with the furniture and I'm set! It's warm here, I can ride my Rascal along the beachfront every day and there's casinos all along here! Men on the loose! Its a sweet deal!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished or Mississpeeerunningdownurleg

Been out of town for a few days,s o,kay maybe more thana few days. I needed to get away from Sir Sirloin after he broke my heart, a tale for another day. Been visiting an old friend from jail/rehab high school. Lynette was an old rehab roommate high school friend that lives over in Arkaphilldelphia, Mississippi and had got herself in a spot of trouble.

She'd been living with and taking advantage care of her elderly stepfather, giving him his medicine  and giving him tlc while taking his happy pills and moolah. Her step daddy Timmy had been really going down hill and when she rebroke her bad ankle again she called me up and offered me a luxury airline ticket seat on the Grayhound bus, to get down here and help her care for him. With her ankle the way it is she couldn't turn him in the bed so I came right to her rescue.

Lynette remembered all the first aid classes and particular, errr, practical nursing classes we took together in our old reformatory high school and thought I might want to help her.

We've beein in contact since the high school reuinion on Facebook.

I was glad to go because I always enjoyed Mississippi. Oh, the barbeque places and fried chicken shacks and juke joints way back in the woods! The casinos on the Gulf!

Timmy seemed sweet, when he wasn't completely out of it with dementia, helping Lynetter with him was a breeze and left us lots of time to catch up. Unleast until he up and died a week after I arrived. His three sons and four daughters came down on Lynette like a ton of shit bricks. The day after the ambo hauled him away those ungrateful skeleton whore daughters of his had all the utilities cut off. You try staying in a doublewide in the South Missiissppi heat of late August. Makes me sweat worse than a whore in a Pentacostal revival.

Thery served Lynetter with an eviction notice too. With her broken ankle I had to drive us all around before finding her a apartment swanky downtown Dewdrop, Mississippi! The only problem we had was shifting all her shit over to the new place. What with both of us riding Rascals it was hard to get the furniture loaded on the Uhaul and out at her apartment. We even had a couple of Rascal collissions and on the last load, when we started back to her truck Lynette lost her balance an fell off her Rascal. I didn't see her in time, I was busy rubbernecking at two hot studs that kept staring at my womanly all natural curses. I ran over her broken ankle with my Rascal!

Boy, was Lynette pissed off when I was done and she was in the ER. They did surgery on her leg and now I gotta stay and nurse her for awhile. She keeps screaming that someone is stealing her Oxycodone but hasn't noticed that someone just switched them out with sweettart candies instead.

Timmy's family keeps nattering at her that they know she robbed him of all the jewelry, cash and coins in the safe and she keeps telling them she doesn't know what they're taking about. I have the stuff all stashed with the Oxys. Mama gotta get paid some way. Leaving for home soon.

Sir Sirloin if you're readin this, fuck you!

A Traveling Lady

I've been busy  on the run from the law traveling again, going back up to Detroit for my class reunion again.Since the last time I wrote I've been working as UFC wrestler Billy The Kidder's lead Street Teamer. his personal assistant and publicist. Which means I got to post about him all day long on the internets, which doesn't leave me much time to write inmy blog or use the treadmill or go to Curves.

Meant to do all that because I wanted to be super skinny for my high school reunion with Lil Joe and the others. This reunion was awful! All the skeleton whores from the class got so drunk they couldn't walk. One threw up on my crocs while I saw another one pooping her pants.

Lil Joe tried to stage dive again and just cracked his fool head on the pavement. Knocked out his remaining tooth too.

I got there in a flash by taking the bus flying first class.

Only good thing about going back is that I got to rifle through the drunk skeleton whores purses and take their drugs and money met the most wonderful man on the planet and he says he loves me! It's Thommy Thomas, or as we used to call him, Sirloin. Sir Sirloin and I spend hours every day talking to each other through the Face Book. I think he's getting ready to ask me to marry him and I'm thinking I might just say yes, even if it means moving to and living in Detroit. Sir Sirloin and I have a deep true connection, much better than any I got with the other guys. They were just practice for Sir Sirloin. He is a tad jellus and made me give up acting as Billy The Kidder's publicist. But that was okay too, Billy got picked up on a parole violation and ain't going to be doing much UFC from jail.

Gotta go! It's almost time for Sir Sirloin to get out of the pie factory and start chatting with me.